Tag: disabilities

Disability

HELPING HANDS

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

The series

The word independent is a significant word to someone with cerebral palsy. The slogan of the community is “Life Without Limits.” This motto for a person with cerebral palsy and their loved ones becomes the ultimate goal, which is independence in our lives. There are four main classifications of cerebral palsy:

  • Spastic: 70-80% of the community is in the category with this
  • Dyskinetic: 10-20% of the community are in this type
  • Ataxic: 5-10% of the community have this style
  • Non-CP: about 5%, which means you have cerebral palsy, but someone can hardly see it 

If you are lucky enough (or not), you can have a mixture of two or all three. As for me, I’m mobile with the help of my walker, and am Spactic, Dyskinetic. As much as I can be independent and live life without limits, just like anyone, I have limitations (so part of me doesn’t quite believe in the “life without limits.” It just feels misleading to me); in a way, you do need help in life. Every person–with or without a disability–needs a hand in some way; it’s just about what kind of help a person needs to be independent. It should be “sky’s the limit” or “don’t underestimate us” because we want people to see us for who we are, not by our appearance.

When you have cerebral palsy, there are all kinds of levels of independence. You can have the autonomy of someone who doesn’t need help, then the type of cerebral palsy where you can be independent with minimal support. Lastly, there is the type of cerebral palsy that makes us entirely dependent on other people for help. The type of cerebral palsy that I have means that I can live independently with minimal help. When it comes to applying for this kind of support, it can be  tricky. I have always been caught between a rock and a hard place because I have cerebral palsy, and I need assistance with being otherwise fully independent. Having to ask for help to live independently makes you feel like you can’t be independent or competent to live like other adults. 

Generally, people with a physical or mental disability or seniors who need help with specific everyday tasks use Personal Care Assistants (PCA) services. I knew I had to get a PCA to help me (a Personal Care Assistant/Aide is trained to provide a wide range of services to individuals in their own homes. Still, because I moved on my own right in the middle of the pandemic, I wasn’t sure how that would go; I had to trust that the people who helped me would be a good fit during this time). As much as my parents loved and supported me and did anything for me, they still helped me more than they should have.

After the vaccines became available, I started thinking about getting someone to help by spring. I wasn’t sure how to proceed, but luckily, United Cerebral Palsy had just started a new program and hired an inclusion advocate. The inclusion advocate helps the clients of United Cerebral Palsy live entirely independent lives in the community.

Along with my inclusion advocate, I started working on things to help me be more independent, such as applying for SNAP (food stamps) and looking for and applying to a program that would best fit me for a PCA. Applying for SNAP was a snap (LOL)  (SNAP). Using a PCA took a little more because it involved some research. What kind of help would I need? I had already spent almost a year on my own. 

For me, the central help I need is with heavy cleaning and going food shopping. I’m okay with ensuring the dishes are clean and the daily stuff is organized, but when it comes to heavy cleaning, such as washing clothes, sweeping, mopping, and making my bed, things can get tricky because of my balance. 

The ultimate goal was to make myself independent in the best and safest way possible. Community First Choice was the one that best suited my needs (Community First Choice – CT.gov). The application process was pretty straightforward. This program is excellent because it works on the PCA waiver (Personal Care Assistance | Connecticut)

When the CFC person interviewed me, she was impressed with my independence but could see how fatigued I could become.  A big part of cerebral palsy is becoming quickly fatigued. Every person with cerebral palsy has a level of fatigue; mine can be very severe at times because not only do I have CP,, but I also have psoriatic arthritis (in remission)  Psoriasis – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic). I also have what is known as (Costochondritis – Symptoms and Causes – Mayo Clinic.)  When one of these health conditions acts up, it can debilitate me, let alone allow me to keep up with daily activities. At these times, I am grateful for the help that I have.

It took about a month for CFC to reply that I had been approved for 28 hours a week. The CFC program runs through my insurance, so unless I go over the 28 hours–at which point I would have to pay them out of pocket–all this help is paid for. 

The best part of the CFC program is because they work on the PCA waiver program, I get to pick who I want to help me. There are only two requirements: I can’t be married to the person or be dependent on them. See that either of these things don’t apply to me; I can hire anyone. It would be nice to fill the 28 hours with one person. It would be great, but that would be hard for one person. I have two PCAs, my sister-in-law, and a childhood friend.  It would be nice to add one more, but in time. 

Going through the process of becoming an independent person with a disability (from looking for a place to live to becoming an independent person with some help) has opened my eyes to the challenges of life. Still, there are programs to help people with disabilities be independent with a few good helping hands. 

Disability

DIVERSITY

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Today is all about diversity in the world. So many different cultures and communities want to be represented and have every right to be represented. Unfortunately, the disabled community still doesn’t deserve recognition and respect.  Growing up with a disability, the fight I had to be in school and to be in the able-bodied community was one that I hated to admit.  From having no parking spaces or curb cut-off for people with disabilities to teachers thinking I wasn’t teachable.

I look at how far the diversity of people with disabilities has come, and however, there is still more to overcome because the community isn’t as diverse as we should be. Taking “MENTOR,” a summer program about mindfulness, exercise, and nutrition to optimize resilience, has opened my eyes to what it might be like to receive a disability later in life.  Being in “MENTOR” showed me how much diversity could be in just one community.

Being disabled, there were many times in my life I was in groups with people with other disabilities that were not always related to my disability. However, my friends weren’t born with their disabilities; getting to know another side of the disabilities as I did during “MENTOR” was an eye opener regarding contact with another aspect of the disability community.

Now, having my eyes opened to another aspect of my community has me questioning how I view diversity within myself. Before understanding other communities, I need to stay within my community to understand its diversity; I must fully understand the diversity in my community. Just like your family teaches you when you are young, learning starts at home.

Diversity can be a positive thing in the world. However, the persons or groups fighting for their community’s rights should consider how educated they are in what they are fighting for. There are so many diversity issues, but understanding comes first. My family taught us that no matter what community we are a part of, we must educate ourselves to inform those ignorant people.  

People need to educate themselves about available accommodations. They also must scrutinize themselves to know what they can and can’t do. It’s essential to say, “I have a disability; this can help me.” It’s also important not to allow your disability to take away your independence by asking for accommodations you don’t need. That is how I was raised. I was raised that no matter my rights as a person with a disability, I should never take advantage of them by using things I don’t need. My family has taught me to work for what I have the right to do/have and not to expect anything to be owed. To me, this is what diversity was and still should be.

Disability

WHAT I’M NOT

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

What I am not is the first thing you see.

What I am not is the six legs I used to walk around. 

What I am not is the handlebars I hold onto. 

What I am not is what you see when I walk into a room. 

What I am not is the way you see me on the outside. 

What I am is a person who is just like you. 

What I am is someone with self-worth.

What I am is someone with intelligence. 

What I am is someone with dreams.

What I am is someone with hopes.

What I am not like another person with a disability that you know

What I am not is the label that I was born with 

What I am not is your inspiration 

What I am not the only person in the room with a walker.

What I am not is taking up space in life.

What I am not is letting my disability stop me. 

What I am not is letting my disability affect how I live life.

What I am not is allowing myself to give up on myself.

What I am not is letting my challenges get in my way.

What I am not is letting my fears get in the way. 

What I am is a creative person.

What I am is someone who gives love.

What I am is someone who receives love.

What I am is someone who loves life.

What I am is what you see, what you see me. That is what is called judging what you are visiting in your eyes. When you judge with your eyes, you miss out on life because life is much more than what you see on the outside. When you remove the walker and the disability, all that is life is a person just like you. 

Disability

ACCEPTED

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

 “Cerebral palsy is a group of disorders that affect a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture. It is the most common motor disability in childhood—cerebral means related to the brain. Palsy means weakness or problems with using the muscles”.  -UNKNOWN

Note: As I write about acceptance, I think about both the ones who have accepted me and those naysayers who have told me that I would not amount to anything because I’m only a disability. It can be so easy to believe in the naysayer rather than the cheerleaders on your side. Those negative people stay in your head, which we feed into. (When it should be the ones who cheer you on that stay in your head!) However, we are human and often dwell on negativity rather than positivity. I want to be able to tell my story in a positive light. Still, I won’t say people who live with a disability aren’t always positive, but it’s also not always negative. Disability or not, you, the person, have to choose how you will accept life.

At times, I didn’t know how to accept myself. Accepting who you are will be easier to share on the outside, but consistently believing in yourself on the inside can take your whole life; it’s a process that needs attention daily. This entry started as something else, but it didn’t sound like the story of acceptance when I reread it. It sounded like me whining about my life. I don’t want the story of my life to sound like that because that is not who I am and what I want to be known for. I’d like my life story to be about how I chose to look at my challenges, how I decided to see myself without a disability, and how life made me see myself with a disability. Having a disability makes you look at life differently. 

The story of accepting who I am should have begun from the day I took my first breath. To the outside, it was, but to get myself took almost half my life.

I’m one of 17 million people who have cerebral palsy. I have talked to and mentored so many people with cerebral palsy around the world. I have read many books and blogs about the cerebral palsy community. I have been to multiple talks and conferences about this disability. I have even been the guiding force behind discussions and seminars about cerebral palsy. I never get tired of sharing my life’s story with cerebral palsy, no matter how often I do it. The more people who know about what I think is one of the most misunderstood disabilities (cerebral palsy), the more the world and people can see that cerebral palsy is much more than the assistive devices we use to make us as independent as possible. It has taken me so long to see that within myself, so how should I expect others to accept who I am if I don’t get who I am? I’ve learned over the years that the key to acceptance starts with yourself. 

My journey of accepting myself started in my mid-30s. My body was being invaded by an autoimmune disorder (Psoriatic arthritis). Psoriatic arthritis is (Psoriatic arthritis – Symptoms & causes – Mayo Clinic.) As anyone with PsA knows, it is an excruciating disorder when you add it on top of cerebral palsy, which, at times, can be very painful. My life was in chaos for a few years. I have published two essays on  The Mighty: 1) What It Is Like Having Both Cerebral Palsy and Psoriatic Arthritis and 2)What It Is Like To Have Psoriatic Arthritis.) These few years were some of the most painful and frustrating ones since I already despised myself because of my cerebral palsy.

I remember lying in bed one night, thinking I was at my lowest point. I felt like I was at a crossroads. I already hated having cerebral palsy, and I always have PsA, so what do I do now? I thought that I needed to accept one of these two disabilities or both. I chose to accept cerebral palsy because I, at some point, believed that the PsA would go away, but the cerebral palsy would always be there. 

I found an online United Cerebral Palsy (UCP) program for adults with cerebral palsy. From that point, my journey to accept who I was began.

Over the last ten years, between UCP and social media, the journey to understand who I am as a person with a disability has had its highs and lows. The disability community is incredible as a whole. However, when I entered the cerebral palsy community on social media, I felt more judged than in the able-body community, and I still do. It’s a community where I think they aren’t heard when they speak their mind. I also think just because they have cerebral palsy, they feel like they know everything about the disability. If you realize anything about cerebral palsy, you understand that there are different types of the condition/disability. So, having cerebral palsy doesn’t mean you mirror another person. While we all have the base of whatever type of cerebral palsy we have, people bring their uniqueness to their cerebral palsy; this is one way that I feel the cerebral palsy community can be judgemental. The other way I feel like the community can be judgemental is that many appear to believe that they are better than each other. No wonder why I feel like the community doesn’t get respect. Part of me thinks that the community doesn’t deserve respect. Still, I end up with myself and the other people in the community who understand that just because you have cerebral palsy doesn’t mean you have been a know-it-all or judgmental to others in the community. I have been doing this for many years.

I was judging not only the cerebral palsy community but also the disability community. I didn’t want to be associated with either community for many years, not that I thought that was better than them. I felt if I were near someone with a different cerebral palsy from mine, I would catch their cerebral palsy. As for not wanting to be a part of the disability, I didn’t think the word disability suited me. I thought disability didn’t decide who I was. I wasn’t sure what word would suit me, but it wasn’t “disability.” For me, I saw the phrase disability as being for those people who were in a wheelchair, which made people feel sorry for them, who saw the world in a negative light because of their challenges. The way they saw life wasn’t the way I saw life. I saw life as a challenge, but I overcame most of those challenges, and that was who I was. Looking back on my life, I know that I was accomplishing something and that those people were just being negative about my disability.

As years passed, my fear of those two words (disability and cerebral palsy) got worse, and then it turned to total denial of being labeled with either word at one time; I won the Yes, I Can award (more about the Yes, I Can award later.)

During my journey of accepting myself, many times along the way, I realized  I still wasn’t accepting myself. It was still up to me, but I was just shocked when I went on social media to read how others with cerebral palsy were living life to the fullest. Yes, I was living my life to the fullest my way, but still, the way others lived with cerebral palsy was just something that I was scared of within myself. I thought about things, but that were people living what I was dreaming of, and I was just living within myself, dreaming about life. 

I feel like there is an unspoken part about this disability that one takes seriously and it’s about the mental health aspect! When it comes to doctors, they only focus on the physical side of cerebral palsy, which is what they need to do because it’s a physical disability. Living with cerebral palsy, I can say most of my mental health issues stem from cerebral palsy. It’s not that we are born with mental health issues because of cerebral palsy; that’s not what I’m saying. It’s well-documented that the community has a high risk of depression, but yet the medical community doesn’t address this area of the community.  

 The cerebral palsy community has a high risk of depression for many reasons. Cerebral palsy is a visible disability to everyone. The sad thing is that the world judges by first appearance, so when you see someone with a physical disability, remember that people judge on what they see at first appearance. I suggest not trying to because you wouldn’t want them judged at first sight if it were a loved one!

For many years, judging on my first appearance was what I was all about, but, at the same time, I didn’t want to be judged on my first appearance. In the end, I was doing the double standard because I wished to change, meaning I didn’t want to accept anyone with a disability, but I wanted people to accept me. 

About four months after I started to put myself out there on social media, I met a guy who not only had cereal palsy but was also deaf from cerebral palsy. (As a Couple With Disabilities, Our Relationship Has No Blueprints (themighty.com).) I never wanted to be with anyone with a disability, but when I met him, I was in AWE because of his story, and we ended up dating for about four years. In our four years together, he taught me much about life, disability, and love. We aren’t together anymore because of distance, Covid-19, and the challenges of our disabilities. It was a challenge at first. I wanted to join a friendship, and he was just not ready to let go. It took a while, but it turned out that we were better as friends. 

During COVID-19, my next stage of learning to accept myself was when I became independent. I moved out on my own at this time. It was during COVID-19 that I faced new challenges that I never expected to have when moving out, but I had no choice but to be trapped in my new apartment.

Other than sitting in my new apartment thinking this wasn’t what my life had come to, I started writing about everything I did and thought about my life with a disability. By doing this, I began to heal and accept who I was and a life with a disability. Writing gave me peace and made me see my disability is not my weakest point at all; it’s my strength- A strength that I might not otherwise have if I didn’t have cerebral palsy.

 It has taken me a long time to accept myself, and I’m still not done because life is constantly changing. Who I am is always who I am, but if I want to be taken seriously in the world and not just looked at as a disability, I have to accept myself. I have learned so much from this self-acceptance journey! It made my life less challenging. I know I will always have challenges; that’s just life. Still, I see now no matter what disability you have or what challenges you have in life, if you resist those challenges, that brings more challenges to an already challenging life.

Disability

THE FRUSTRAD BODY

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

I have been figuring out a way to write about this. What I call “the frustrated body” is hard to explain if you don’t live in one. Okay, everyone has a frustrating body at some point, though. Even a person without a disability could be accident-prone, have aches and pains, or find they can’t do everything they want. My mom had a stroke about 16 years ago, and while she was recovering, she would ask me how to get dressed. I would tell her it’s automatic; I just do it. But she had to relearn, which was frustrating for her. I don’t get frustrated that I can’t drive a car, I just know what I can do and focus on that. 

For people born with cerebral palsy or other neurological disorders, having a frustrating body is part of life. We adapt and see it as our everyday routine. Then, some people might acquire neuro-muscular disorders such as MS, Parkinson’s, stroke, and as a result of a TBI (traumatic brain injury). It wasn’t until I started dating my boyfriend that I began to see how living with a disability from birth is so different than acquiring a disability. He still remembers the able body he was born with, but my body is my version of able because it’s all I know.

When someone has a neurological disorder from birth, such as cerebral palsy, as I have, we don’t mourn for a body we used to have. We’re so busy focusing on how to use the body we do have. 

I observe what it is like for others to have an able body, yet in my eyes, my body is able, just a different kind that none understand unless you know what it’s like to be born with a disability. Even then, each person who has been born disabled carries themselves differently. Some will not let their disability get the best of them, while others feel that because they have a disability, they don’t know or can’t see how to live their life with a disability. So they just don’t try.

Therefore, the level of frustration we feel is different because we have a different baseline.

I chose to go beyond my disability. I know it can be challenging to go beyond your limitations, but I was given a life and want to make the most of it while I have a chance. As I get older, my body will be more taken over by my disability. I’ll experience the same age-related conditions that everyone experiences at my age, like arthritis, osteoporosis, and general aches and pains. I may experience these earlier than most. But with CP, there’s no way to predict how much more my body will be impacted, and it may not respond to the same treatments.

My message to those born with disabilities and to those who acquired one and are still grieving the life they once had is that life is still a gift. A body is better than no body, and you can learn to adapt. To those born with disabilities, you can educate those who acquire disabilities. Show them that they can still enjoy life because you’re also enjoying life. A little perspective is an exercise we can all do… along with the medicine we take.

We can focus our minds on the positive. That’s a choice we have each day. There are lots of options, like meditation, journaling, exercise as much as you can, getting fresh air, and working with what you can do.

Disability

WHAT TYPE OF PERSON DO YOU IDENTIFY

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

A few years ago, when I was in a dark place and trying to figure out who I was as a person with a disability, the “Me Too” movement suddenly came out. People say, “If you are a woman, you should get behind this movement. I feel I didn’t fit into this new way of life for women. Being a woman is only one part of me. After seeing how “Me Too” changed how women are looked at, I got thinking. I may be a woman, but if I identify as just a woman, I’m just a woman. As much as I need to say I’m a woman. Being a woman is only part of me.

 Having a disability is a part of me, also. When an individual has a disability, we don’t want to be known as a disability. Still, in a way, we have to let people know we have a disability so we can get the modification we need so we be apart can be a part of life.  I will never deny my cerebral palsy.

 Being a woman with cerebral palsy is one of the significant components of my identity. However, there are many other components of me. I like to picture myself on a painting canvas. Years ago, when I was trying to get out of a dark place in life, I stood in front of a full-length mirror for a few minutes a day for a week or so; at this time in my life, I honestly didn’t like who I was. So, being the person I am, I got in my head that if I stood in front of the mirror and saw the physical reflection and stood there long enough, I might be able to see what people saw in me. After a while, it worked, and I could see everything that made me.

What I saw in that mirror wasn’t just a woman and wasn’t just cerebral palsy; it was so much more. What I saw was what people saw in me, what made me: My kindness, my compassion for others. The strength within me is to work past my challenges and so many other things.  At that moment, I started to see what I thought was my weakness was my strength.

When I have a disability, there are times that I can feel that all I see is the disability, as I think that is the only thing people see in me. In many cases, that’s not the case; there can be a handful of people who will only see me as having a disability, but then I see that there are more people who know that I’m more than my disability. It’s just that sometimes, the negativity wins out more than the positive. It’s just that when I hear something negative about myself, it gets in me, and that’s all I hear. When I keep hearing all the negative ideas about my disability, it gets to me, and I end up in a dark place. 

After I saw who I was in the mirror, I saw what people saw me. People see how strong I am and so much more than my disability and being a woman; that is why I call myself a human canvas. Other than being a woman with a disability. I’m also a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a friend, a girlfriend, a writer, and more. 

No matter how I identify myself or how others identify me, there is one thing we all have in common: no matter what, we recognize that when we all bleed, we all bleed red.

Disability

WHAT AM I AFRAID OF

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

A question like this is tricky. I shouldn’t be afraid because I lived when I shouldn’t have lived. When I was born, so many people didn’t think I would live. However, I’m human, so I am scared of many things. I’m afraid my fear of my disability will take over, and I will quit living. I’m worried that I will gain so much weight and lose my independence. I’m scared of losing people that I care about. I’m afraid after my parents are gone, none will be there to help me with my life. I fear that I’m so scared of not leaving a mark in the world because people just see me as having a disability. Yes, while disability may be part of me, my disability is not who I am. Disability is just a word. Suppose you take the “DIS” out of disability. In that case, you have “ABILITY.” no matter who I am or who you are, we all have our own unique “ABILITY” to live in a world that is made of all different kinds of uniqueness, and the disability community is just one.

For so long, I was afraid of not being an independent person because of my disability. If I wasn’t going to be independent, it wasn’t going to be because of my disability. It would be because of my stubbornness. I never wanted to accept myself as a person with a disability. There was a time in my life when it was a challenge for me to admit that I had a disability. I wanted so badly to forget the disability and be like my other peers. I was okay with my disability growing up, but I never wanted to socialize with others with disabilities. My family, friends, and teachers would always try their hardest to get me to be social with others with disabilities, but I was so stuber I wouldn’t go near or get close to anyone with a disability; it just got worse as I got older. It wasn’t until I had no choice but to push myself out of my comfort zone and grow up that I forced myself to see what it was like to socialize in a community that I belonged to but was too scared or was being discriminated against in a community that was a part of who I was. I was now more afraid of being in the disabled community, and I was ready to run back to the able-bodied community. 

I was afraid of not being accepted into a community that I never received. When I decided to stand up and be part of it, I thought it would be accessible for the cerebral palsy community to accept. The community just accepting me wasn’t the case. Some people welcomed me, but sometimes, I just wanted to return to the able-body community. I didn’t know the purpose of staying in the cerebral palsy community, but over time, I realized what the purpose was: for me to grow. With every new step I took in the cerebral palsy community, I made myself more substantial and more accepting of a community that I was not accepting of.

It’s been nearly ten years since I took my first steps to accept who I am entirely. Life has fallen into place in the last ten years and brought me to where I need to be. By accepting it, I got what I wanted and my independence. I also got over my fear, which was the fear of who I was.

Disability

WHAT IS INTERAL ABLEISM?

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Now that I have discovered what ableism is and how it relates to my life, let us break down what internal ableism is. A  person consciously or unconsciously believes in harmful messages they heard about their disability and applies themself.

I can think of internal ableism in two ways. Internal ableism is what people have put upon you,  saying you can’t do this or that in life and questioning if you can do something. Then there is the internal ableism you place upon yourself about what you think about the community you belong to.

First, let’s take the internal ableism that people place upon you. My PCA said I was slacking off on my activities and more tired. Then she asked if I could live on my own. When she said this, it upset me. I didn’t want to tell her at the time, but I felt she was ableislizing me and making me think that I wasn’t capable when I had been living on my own for almost three years and the first year and a half was all on my own because of the pandemic. 

She watched videos of others with CP and felt like I was not as independent or pushing myself as much as they were. It is hard for anyone to understand that no CPs are alike and that everyone with CP has their limits and internal ways of pushing themselves. 

I have been fighting this all my life. For many years, I have internalized these assumptions put upon me about having a disability and cerebral palsy.

At this point in my life, I shouldn’t feel this way or let other people make me feel this way.

Now, to the internal ableism that I placed upon myself.

For many years, I was scared of my disability and socializing with anyone in the cerebral palsy community. If I associated with others in the cerebral palsy community, I might not have internalized my fear of the cerebral palsy community as much as I did.

When I was very young and going for physical therapy at the rehab center, feeling if I went near others with more involved CP than I had, I would somehow catch their CP. Growing up, I had a group of friends with disabilities, and I was okay with them.  

As I got older, the internal ableism about myself and CP only grew more aggressive. I was in college, and others with CP would come up to me and want to be friends or ask me on a date; however, I would just run the other way, not wanting to have anything to day with another person with CP. I would make every excuse to say I didn’t want to get to know the person. When the truth was, I wasn’t comfortable with who I was, a person with a disability.

The way I felt about myself and my disability was just getting worse over time. Family and friends would say I should change my outlook on my disability, or else I  would not get anywhere. 

It wasn’t until I got hit with an unwanted disability. At 35, I ended up with PsA (Psoratic Arthritis). When you are born with a disability such as CP, you hope you don’t have any more challenges with your health, but unfortunately, when you have one disability, it doesn’t stop you from getting other health issues. When I developed PsA, I wasn’t sure where my life was going.  

One night,  I was at a fork in the road; if I didn’t pick up my life, I would not return from a dark place.  Looking at my two disabilities now, I needed to accept one. I knew the PsA would go away at some point, but the CP was, is, and will always be a part of me. That night, I began my journey to discovering who I was with CP. 

After many years of internal ableism, my disability I taught myself that just because my disability makes me seen as different, my disability and what people say or think about me shouldn’t stop me from being who I need and want to be.