Tag: inclusion

Disability

Why Society Needs to Stop Grouping Disabilities and Aging Together

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

There are many different kinds of disabilities in the world, and I live with a physical disability just like so many others. One of the biggest frustrations I have with today’s society is how often people lump physical disabilities together with age-related disabilities. For some reason, society places the disability community and senior citizens in the same category, as though our lived experiences automatically line up.

I understand that aging brings changes—new aches, pains, and challenges. But seniors will never experience even half of what someone born with a physical disability goes through over a lifetime. So why are these two very different communities treated as one?

Yes, age-related limitations may qualify as disabilities, but they are not the same as being born with a disability or acquiring one early in life. What bothers me is that society doesn’t see the difference. Instead, they pile everyone with any type of disability into one group, as if we all face the same struggles and need the same kind of support.

I say this with love because I genuinely care about seniors. I study gerontology and have a passion for the elderly. And I respect disabilities that aren’t physical—mental health, cognitive, and more. But when you put people with completely different abilities and needs together in the same low-income building just because society doesn’t know where else to place them, it doesn’t work.

I know this firsthand. I’ve been living on my own for five years with cerebral palsy in a low-income rental building. It gets overwhelming—especially when I’m the only one here with a lifelong physical disability. Through this, I’ve learned something important:
There is a significant difference between being born with a disability, having a disability from aging, and having a mental or cognitive disability.

These differences matter. They shape our everyday lives, our independence, and the support systems we need.

There has to be a middle ground—a place for physically disabled adults who are independent, low-income, and not elderly. A place where we’re not forced into environments that don’t reflect our needs or our lived realities.

We deserve communities that see us clearly—not ones that group us together because it’s easier.

Disability

PAVING THE WAY

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

When you have a disability, you miss out on a lot in life, but you also gain a lot too. You’re a part of things that you might not be a part of if you weren’t disabled. I am lucky enough to be part of a community that is dedicated to helping and paving the way for the future generations of people who have disabilities. I feel fortunate to be born at a time in life that I was blessed enough to have witnessed two laws that made it possible for me and others with disability to be treated like others: The 504 Act of 1973 and the ADA Act of 1990. 

The 504 or Rehabilitation Act gives people with disabilities the right to be in public, including in public schools and public buildings, which must be made accessible for us to enter.

Although the 504 Act gave us the right to be in public, the ADA Act ensures that all public buildings are accessible (including wheelchair ramps, working elevators, lowered curbs, and accessible bathrooms). To this day, all public buildings must be ADA compliant. This bill was signed into law in July 1990, which is why July is recognized as Disability Pride Month.

As much as it made it possible for me and others with disabilities to be among society, it took a while for society to realize the disability community is here to stay. Being so young at the time, I didn’t fully understand or appreciate the impact of my presence. I was making it easier for the next generation to be understood. 

My mother was a teacher’s assistant in the school system I attended. When I was in school, I recall the frequent arguments my parents had so that I would have a fair chance of the same experience and education as all the other students. The teachers and even the lunchroom monitors didn’t think I had the right to be there. The teachers thought I was just there, taking away resources from students they felt were more worthy of an education because they were non-disabled. My parents fought for me to be a fundamental part of the school, because even the parking lot wasn’t accessible. But once my mom became a teacher’s assistant and advocated for me, the teachers who initially discouraged me all changed their tune. Even though the law protected my right to be there, there was no law to change the minds of teachers who were set in their ways and stuck in the past.

I recall my parents contacting the state to report a shortage of accessible parking spaces, curb cuts, elevators, and ramps. The town was cited for not being accessible and had to make necessary upgrades. When I was in junior high school, classes were delayed for two weeks so that an elevator could be installed properly.

Hopefully, the current disability community and future generations can enjoy these accommodations without having to fight for the same rights everyone should have. 

Nowadays, looking at what disabled kids have in school humbles me. I know that I was one of the pioneers to accommodate kids like me, even those who weren’t born yet. 

It inspires me to keep fighting. If something isn’t accessible now, I speak up, keeping the same spirit that my parents had for me. In a way, kids with disabilities are all our kids, too, and we have a responsibility to advocate for them. I’m not just a student but also a teacher. I teach people how to accept people with disabilities and how to treat us (hint: we’re just like everyone else!)

Disability

DIVERSITY

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Today is all about diversity in the world. So many different cultures and communities want to be represented and have every right to be represented. Unfortunately, the disabled community still doesn’t deserve recognition and respect.  Growing up with a disability, the fight I had to be in school and to be in the able-bodied community was one that I hated to admit.  From having no parking spaces or curb cut-off for people with disabilities to teachers thinking I wasn’t teachable.

I look at how far the diversity of people with disabilities has come, and however, there is still more to overcome because the community isn’t as diverse as we should be. Taking “MENTOR,” a summer program about mindfulness, exercise, and nutrition to optimize resilience, has opened my eyes to what it might be like to receive a disability later in life.  Being in “MENTOR” showed me how much diversity could be in just one community.

Being disabled, there were many times in my life I was in groups with people with other disabilities that were not always related to my disability. However, my friends weren’t born with their disabilities; getting to know another side of the disabilities as I did during “MENTOR” was an eye opener regarding contact with another aspect of the disability community.

Now, having my eyes opened to another aspect of my community has me questioning how I view diversity within myself. Before understanding other communities, I need to stay within my community to understand its diversity; I must fully understand the diversity in my community. Just like your family teaches you when you are young, learning starts at home.

Diversity can be a positive thing in the world. However, the persons or groups fighting for their community’s rights should consider how educated they are in what they are fighting for. There are so many diversity issues, but understanding comes first. My family taught us that no matter what community we are a part of, we must educate ourselves to inform those ignorant people.  

People need to educate themselves about available accommodations. They also must scrutinize themselves to know what they can and can’t do. It’s essential to say, “I have a disability; this can help me.” It’s also important not to allow your disability to take away your independence by asking for accommodations you don’t need. That is how I was raised. I was raised that no matter my rights as a person with a disability, I should never take advantage of them by using things I don’t need. My family has taught me to work for what I have the right to do/have and not to expect anything to be owed. To me, this is what diversity was and still should be.

Disability

WHAT IS ABLEISM

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

I have to be honest; I only learned about ableism and internal ableism not too long ago during a Zoom meeting. As someone with a disability who claims to be a mentor for people with disabilities, why didn’t I know what internalism and ableism are? I should be embarrassed. I had to go back and look up ableism and internal ableism to understand what they entirely meant. As I was reading about them, glimpses of times in my life when I felt I was a burden to people or groups came rushing back. Knowing there were terms to describe what I was going through at those times put a whole new meaning to those experiences in my life. 

Let’s first break down ableism and what it means, as I had experienced and felt when it came to ableism.

Ableism is discrimination against a person with a disability. Knowing what ableism is now, I can genuinely say ableism has affected me from an early age. Ableism is what made me stand out throughout my childhood.

I was born in the late ’70s  and grew up in the ’80s and ‘90s while experiencing ableism. Although I have cerebral palsy, my family has always integrated me with non-disabled children. I attended school in my hometown. Growing up during this time, the ADA Act of 1973 stated that everyone with a disability had the right to be in public places and the right to an education just like others. You might imagine that having this law would make life easier. While the law was written to give people like me and others with disabilities all these rights, it was not easy to get people to change their outlook on those with disabilities and follow through on the law.

Growing up in a small farming town in the 1980s and ’90s was challenging. As the saying goes, it felt like my family and I were rocking the boat. 

I started school at an early age. Teachers were unsure how to teach someone like me; they would say I was unteachable and I was just taking the place of another child who could be there. In music class, they wouldn’t let me use a recorder, and I drooled too much to try it, or they didn’t want me in the lunch room because I would sometimes chew with my mouth open. 

The other kids did not give me trouble, but the educators showed me ableism when they were the ones who should have been educating me and the others around me. The educators should have been helping, teaching me about life, and helping me overcome my challenges, but in the end, they added more challenges to a young child’s life.  My school district eventually became more integrated, bringing more severely disabled students back into our hometown school community.

I was almost denied the education that I deserved from the start.  The school had to make classes to accommodate me and others needing the same or similar accommodations. It can be hard to change an educated mind if they have worked under a specific premise for years. When given a student who needed all these varied accommodations and help to understand what I was going through, it was difficult for the educators to meet my specific needs. Looking back on those times and being the person I am today, I can better understand how difficult it might have been for some educators to change their teaching style to accommodate me. I am not saying what they did was right because it wasn’t, but I can understand how hard it might be for someone with a particular philosophy or style to change their style to meet an INDIVIDUAL student’s needs.

There was yet another hurdle when the ADA Act of 1990 came around. The ADA Act of 1990 states that public and federal buildings should accommodate all people, no matter race or disability. That means many things:  all buildings should be made to accommodate those who need their physical needs met; all parking lots should have enough accessible parking, curb-cut offs, doors, halls, and restrooms to accommodate physical limitations. The results from my family taking on these physical barriers for me are evident today. People are unaware of this initial struggle and may take today’s accommodations for granted. Yet, my family and I pioneered changing our small town in the USA. 

While trying to complete this assignment, I contacted one of my first teachers with me from day one of my public school experience. I want to share her experience as a teacher at that particular time in my life. She provided insight from an educator’s perspective. “As a teacher, we had to assure other teaching professionals of what we could do. To encourage them to continue to challenge you while meeting your specific needs. It took a long time for building improvements to take place to allow you to be more independent throughout the physical school building. As a result, you sometimes required one-on-one paraprofessional support, not due to YOUR physical limitations but due to your physical environments and the existing physical barriers within the school setting”.

I didn’t realize at the time that I may have felt like the odd one out, but I was not only giving myself the right to access public buildings but paving the way for those who followed after me as well. If I were to attend my hometown high school at present, there would be so much more they could offer me to support my ‘ABILITIES’:more integrated classrooms, opportunities for community involvement (Best Buddies, Unified Sports, etc.), and a transition program for 18 to 21-year-olds.  I was lucky to have a supportive family and the strength to challenge myself by taking courses at a local community college and continuing my educational experiences online, creating a personal connection to others with CP.  I demonstrated what adults with CP were capable of when given a chance. Also, creating dialogue and essential discussions around issues other adults with CP could relate to. At the same time, opening the eyes of the non-disabled to understand better what adults with CP were capable of. I created awareness, compassion, and empathy for those discriminated against due to ‘ABLEISM.’

Disability

ASSERTIVENESS

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

I’m not an assertive person because I don’t want to rock the boat, and I don’t want people to think that I’m using my disability to demand that I have everything like yesterday. I’m not that way, and I will never be that way. However, because I have a disability, I need to be assertive because I need to be seen and taken for an average person, not defined by my disability. I must remember I am the boss in my self-advocacy, but I’m also the boss of three people who help me daily. I also want to be more assertive with medical professionals and, most of all, with myself.  

So, what is assertiveness? It is confident and forceful behavior. Assertiveness is when you stand up for what you want or need, respecting yourself or the people you rely on to tell what you want/need. As a person with a disability, I need to learn to be assertive so people can take me seriously. I have always been a team player. I can be assertive when I’m playing on a team to help get stuff done, but when I need to be assertive for myself. I feel like I can’t because of what is inside me, angry and scared that I’m not sure if I would be able to control myself.

It has taken years to understand myself when it comes to having a disability, but I did teach myself about my disability. Now, I’m comfortable with being a person with a disability. I should be able to teach myself how to be assertive and how to do it in a way that doesn’t make me feel like a crybaby, scared, nervous, or that I’m using my “disability card” to get what I want.

On the other hand, I’m doing myself a disservice by not speaking up for myself, which means I’m not getting my needs met. Due to my disability, I genuinely need to have more assertiveness to be able to keep my independence. I need to have more assertiveness because I’m now a boss, a girlfriend, and my own person; I’m getting older, and my disability is aggravating the aging process. If I can’t speak up for myself, I won’t get what I need.

Others take me for granted and only see my disability. Stereotypes shape their perceptions. Because I need to ask for more than those without disabilities, people who don’t understand think I’m asking for too much. 

Some misconceptions of people with disabilities are based on people they have met in the past or fictional characters (who may not have been well-researched).

Misconceptions:

  • We can’t be educated: When I was in school, teachers thought I was wasting space needed for “normal” kids. They didn’t like me eating in the lunch room because I needed to chew with my mouth open. Even though perceptions of disability were evolving, teachers who had been there for a long time and were set in their ways refused to change their perspective. I was forced to live in the past with them. However, I had the same IQ as my classmates and was just as capable of learning. The IQ tests were so outdated that I was forced to do agility tests, which determined my intelligence, so being unable to use my hands quickly labeled me “low IQ.” I wasn’t allowed in gym class in high school. Because there weren’t accommodations for students with disabilities, I was expected to exist in the shadows. I have been forced to prioritize the comfort of others by either being quiet or being the stereotype they want people with disabilities to be.
  • We can’t speak for ourselves: When I go to a restaurant, the server will ask my dining partner, “What does she want?” If I see a new doctor, they automatically invite my mom in with me and speak to her rather than me because they think I won’t understand. Because CP impacts my speech and I can’t talk as fast as others, people assume I can’t think fast, either. They think because I am low mobility, I must be low IQ. Someone without a disability can pursue a competitive job or train for a sporting event and be praised for their ambition. But when I try to advocate for myself and be assertive, people think I’m asking for the moon and stars. I just want the same respect and dignity as everyone else.
  • We can’t have jobs: Just like when I was in elementary school, there are people who think those of us with physical disabilities aren’t worthy of jobs because we’re taking space away from non-disabled people. But just like everyone else, we have career ambitions. We can be actors (RJ Mitte from Breaking Bad, Jerry Jewell from Facts of Life), comedians (Josh Blue), models (Isabella Neville), Navy Seals (John Quinn) or everyday bus drivers, receptionists, and cashiers. Because CP is so different for each person who has it, we are able to lean into our own strengths. One person with CP may have vocal issues while another can sing. One can use a walker and another can run marathons. We’re members of your community, but only because we’re asserting our right to be there.
  • We can’t be independent: The stereotype for people with a disability like CP is that we need someone by our side 27/4, but there are many different levels of independence. Even if we do live with someone, we can still be independent and help ourselves by doing basic tasks like getting dressed or using a bathroom. If we need help doing basic tasks, we can still lessen the workload on our helpers by doing as much as we’re able to. For example, moving from the wheelchair to the bed, or getting partially undressed without help. If a home is accessible, we can cook and do some of the cleaning and bathing ourselves. Many of us live by ourselves, and have PCAs who come in and help us with some tasks to help make our lives easier. Even a non-disabled person will sometimes need help, for example by getting groceries delivered or needing help with babysitting. So we aren’t so different after all.
  • We can’t self-advocate: The more we can speak up for ourselves, the more people will understand our disabilities. Speaking up for ourselves brings more education to the community. Being able to self-advocate is something that everyone will have to do eventually, whether they’re disabled or not. I’ve found that taking workshops to bolster my self-esteem and working with a speech therapist have made me more confident, which leads to more assertiveness.

Below is a scenario I’ve written to show how someone can be more assertive, gaining what they need while still maintaining a positive interaction:

Josephine is a student and Mrs. Toni is her aide. Josephine is having a conversation with Mrs. Toni, who would like Josephine to pick up her pen from the floor, go to the front of the class, and put it in the pen jar. Lastly, Mrs. Toni would like Josephine to pack her bookbag because it is ten minutes before the bell rings. Here’s how it goes:

Josephine: Mrs.Toni, can you please pick up my pen?

Mrs.Toni: I can, but why don’t you try?

Josephine is starting to get annoyed. Because she just doesn’t want to do it. Josephine has CP, and even though she can do things for herself, she knows Mrs. Toni can do it faster, and nobody will stare if Mrs. Toni does it.

Josephine: I can’t.

Mrs. Toni: Josephine, I’m here to help you, but I’m not here to do it for you.

Josephine is just getting more upset because she knows she can’t do everything. Picking up the pen is possible, but will take longer than it would for someone like Mrs. Toni. Plus, her classmates might stare at her.

Mrs. Toni: (sternly) You can do it.

Josephine: (Huffs angrily). Fine. I’ll do it.

Josephine picks up the pen, and wobbles like she’s going to fall off the chair. Mrs. Toni helps to keep her steady. With help, Josephine is able to pick up the pen and return it.

Mrs. Toni: See, you could do it. I only had to help you a little. Now, pack up your things.

Josephine packs her bag and the bell rings, and they go to the next class.

Despite your disabilities, there’s always a way to modify the situation to make it possible. Sometimes you need help with every step, and sometimes you only need someone to hold you steady while you do it for yourself. Sometimes, you just need someone cheering from the sidelines with positive affirmations. With assertiveness, you can assess what you need and know how to ask for it.

There will always be people who accuse you of asking for the moon and stars, but it’s better to focus on the ones who take you in good faith and help you. Asking for what you need is always better than being “polite.”