Tag: love

Disability

CLOSING THE YEAR WITH GRATIUDE

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Why I’m Not Making a New Year’s Resolution

As the year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting—not on what I want to change overnight, but on what this year has already taught me.

Every January, people rush to make New Year’s resolutions. We promise ourselves we’ll fix something, lose something, or become someone new. It’s easy to say “this is the year” when the calendar flips. But too often, those promises fade within weeks, leaving us feeling like we’ve failed before the year has even really begun.

This year, I don’t want to make a New Year’s resolution just to break it a few days later.

Instead, I want to carry forward the lessons I’ve already learned and continue working on what I know matters—without pressure or perfection.

This past year was a good one. Not because it was easy, but because it was honest. One of the most significant changes was learning how to make my home feel more like home. My boyfriend and I may not share a mailbox, but he lives just two doors down from me in the same building. It may not look like the version of life people expect, but it works for us—and that has been more than enough.

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we imagined. Sometimes we have to build something that fits our reality instead of forcing ourselves into a mold that was never meant for us.

I’ve spent my whole life learning how to turn my challenges into opportunities. I’ve always been known for adapting, adjusting, and finding my own way—but this year, that lesson finally settled deep in my heart. Not everything has to look “normal” to be meaningful. It just has to work.

There are still things I want to improve—not because I’m ungrateful, but because growth never stops. I want to continue losing weight in a way that respects my body. I want to be a better partner. And most of all, I want to deepen my gratitude for the life I have—a life I once wasn’t sure would ever be possible for me.

Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring the hard parts. It means recognizing that even within challenges, there is beauty, progress, and purpose.

This is where Our Beautiful Challenges comes in—not just as a name, but as a way of living. Challenges don’t need to be erased to have value. They don’t need to be “fixed” to be worthy. They can be adapted to. They can be carried. And sometimes, they become the very thing that teaches us how to build a life that truly fits.

As this year comes to an end, I’m choosing gratitude over resolutions, intention over pressure, and honesty over perfection. I’m stepping into the new year not trying to become someone new, but honoring who I already am—and trusting that growth will follow.

That is the heart of Our Beautiful Challenges.
And as I close this year, that is more than enough.

Disability

WHEN LOVE CHALLED MY ABLEISM

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

 When Love Challenged My Ableism

For a long time, I told myself I could never date someone else with a disability.

I didn’t say it out loud—not in a way that sounded cruel—but the belief was there. Quiet. Heavy. Sitting just beneath the surface. I told myself it would be too hard, too complicated, too close to the parts of myself I was still struggling to accept.

The truth is, I wasn’t afraid of their disability.
I was afraid of my own.

This was my internalized ableism—beliefs I had absorbed over years of being underestimated, overlooked, and made to feel like “less.” Somewhere along the way, I started believing that loving someone with a disability meant doubling my limitations instead of expanding my life. I thought love needed to look normal to be safe.

And then life did what it does best—it challenged me.

George was one of the first people who showed me that connection didn’t need to fit a traditional mold to be real. We met as children through early intervention programs, surrounded by families who understood disability before we did. As adults, when we found each other again, our bond didn’t turn into romance—but it didn’t disappear either. George taught me that love can exist without romance, and still be deep, steady, and lifelong.

Thomas challenged me in a different way. When I met him through an online cerebral palsy community, I was cautious—maybe even guarded. He had cerebral palsy and was deaf, and communication required patience, creativity, and vulnerability. Our relationship forced me to confront intimacy in ways I never had before. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t simple. But it showed me that connection doesn’t come from convenience—it comes from effort and trust. Even when our romantic relationship changed, the bond remained. Thomas taught me that love doesn’t fail just because it changes shape.

And then there was Lorenzo.

Lorenzo entered my life slowly—so slowly that for years, I didn’t realize what he was teaching me. We met on public transportation, saw each other on and off for years, and kept in touch through texts and calls that never quite turned into dates. I told myself we were just friends. But what I was really doing was protecting myself.

By the time Lorenzo and I finally came together, I had already loved two people with disabilities—despite once swearing I never would. And loving him felt different. Not because he didn’t have a disability, but because I had finally stopped running from mine.

Loving Lorenzo meant building a life that works instead of chasing one that looks right. It meant facing systems that punish disabled people for committing to each other. It meant redefining independence, partnership, and even marriage. And it meant realizing that the very thing I once feared—loving someone who understood disability from the inside—was the thing that finally allowed me to feel fully seen.

Looking back, I see how wrong my earlier belief was.

Loving people with disabilities didn’t limit my life.
It expanded it.

George taught me about steady love.
Thomas taught me about vulnerable love.
Lorenzo taught me about shared love.

And all three taught me how to love myself.

Internalized ableism told me I needed distance from disability to be happy.
Love taught me I needed honesty.

Gratitude

I am grateful for the relationships that challenged my fear.
I am grateful for the people who reflected parts of myself I once tried to hide.
And I am grateful that I learned this truth, even if it took time:

The problem was never disability.
The problem was believing I had to escape it to be worthy of love.

Disability

WHEN ACCEPTANCE BECOMES THE WIN

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

As the year comes to an end, I find myself looking back—not just at what I’ve done, but at what I’ve learned. One lesson stands out above the rest: the hardest part of any challenge isn’t overcoming it. It’s accepting it.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand that. I saw challenges as roadblocks—temporary interruptions I just needed to push past. I couldn’t yet see the bigger picture. I didn’t know that some challenges don’t disappear; instead, they ask us to grow around them.

This year also reminded me of something else: dreams do come true. Just not always in the way we imagine. Sometimes they arrive reshaped by reality, surprising us with precisely what we were looking for all along.

I probably began learning these lessons five years ago, when I moved out on my own. That was when I discovered an independence I had always dreamed of but never fully believed was possible for me. Living on my own opened a door to a life I hadn’t let myself imagine before. Still, even then, something felt unfinished—like I was standing in the doorway but hadn’t fully stepped inside.

Part of my dream was always simple: to spend my life with someone who felt natural. For many years, I tried to force connections before I was ready, before I truly understood myself. It wasn’t until I accepted who I was—my needs, my limitations, and my strengths—that love arrived in the way it was meant to.

Two years after moving out on my own, I fell in love with a friend who had quietly been a dream of mine for years. We’ve now been together for four years, building a life grounded in understanding, patience, and care.

As much as we would love to live together, share a mailbox, and get married, we can’t—because the systems meant to support us would take so much away if we did. That truth still hurts. But instead of letting it stop us, we found a way to make our lives work. He lives in the apartment next to mine. It may not match the picture I once held in my mind, but it is honest, loving, and ours.

This is where Our Beautiful Challenges comes in—the fictional organization at the heart of my stories, shaped by the way I’ve learned to live. In that world, challenges don’t need to be erased to have value. They can be adapted to. They can be carried. And sometimes, they become the very thing that teaches us how to live fully.

When telling this story feels too hard, I let Josephine speak for me. Through her, I explore the complicated and tender parts of life—the spaces that don’t fit neatly into expectations. Josephine reminds me that there is beauty in the in-between, in lives that don’t follow traditional paths but are rich all the same.

What this year has taught me is that I don’t have to fight my challenges anymore. I can work with them. Shape my life around them. Let them guide me instead of define me.

It has taken me almost fifty years to understand this, but I can finally say it with peace in my heart:
I have everything I want.

Disability

PART 1: THE JOY HIDDEN INSIDE THE HARD MOMENTS

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

This series is about those moments—about the strength I found not in perfection or ease, but in breathing through the most complex and beautiful parts of my journey. Each part of this series explores how challenges shaped me, taught me, and helped me discover joy in unexpected places.

My life journey has been beautiful, but challenging. So when my yoga teacher asked us to pick a joyful moment from our journey, I surprised myself by choosing the most difficult time of my life. I decided it because those challenging moments are the ones I made it through. I reached the other side. And how many people can genuinely say they’ve fought through the most complex parts of themselves without giving up?

Most people see joyful moments as something bright and easy from the start. And yes, that would be simple. But my joyful moments come with a price, shaped by the challenges I’ve had to face. Without those struggles, I wouldn’t walk the way I do, talk the way I do, or live the independent life I’ve built as a person with a disability. If everything had come easily, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

What I’ve learned is that not every joyful moment begins joyfully. Sometimes you have to find the joy hidden inside the complex parts.

In yoga, this lesson becomes even clearer to me. When class begins, and I take that very first deep breath in, it’s like my whole body remembers what it feels like to slow down, to open, and to let myself be fully present. When the teacher says, “Breathe into the challenging moments,” it’s more than instructions for a pose—it’s a reminder of how I live my life. And when she says, “Let your breath guide you,” I can’t help but smile from within. Because, as difficult as my challenges have been, they’ve also become some of my most joyful moments. They taught me how to stay present, trust my own strength, and keep breathing even when life felt heavy.

Every time I breathe through a pose, I’m reminded that I’ve breathed through much more complex things. I’ve survived moments that once felt impossible. I’ve crossed through storms that once felt endless. And each time, I came out firmer, softer, and more myself.

So when my teacher says, “Pick a joyful moment in your life journey,” I realize I could never choose just one. Joy doesn’t show up only when life is easy. Joy shows up when you fight, when you grow, when you breathe… and when you find yourself standing on the other side of something you thought would break you.

My joy has always lived inside my challenges—and that’s what makes it so powerful.

Disability

“MORE THE 48 HOURS”-ORIGINAL SONG

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Verse 1

They said I wouldn’t make it, not past the second day,
Whispered quiet in the hallway, told my parents “just pray.”
But I was born a fighter, I pushed through every doubt,
Turned every limit into something I could rise above somehow.

Pre-Chorus

I learned to breathe on broken days,
I learned to walk through heavy haze,
They never thought I’d make it far—
But look at who I are.

Chorus

’Cause I’m more than forty-eight hours,
More than the fear in their eyes,
More than the girl they counted out,
Standing here living my life.
I didn’t rush the future—
I let time open its doors.
I’m more than they expected.
I’m more than forty-eight hours… and so much more.

Verse 2

Told myself love wasn’t for me, said I’d never wear a ring,
Watched the world fall into place for others with everything.
I pushed too hard for moments that were never meant to stay,
Till I learned that letting go is how life finds its way.

Pre-Chorus

I slowed down just enough to see,
Life was coming back to me,
And in the quiet, love walked in—
An unexpected friend.

Chorus

’Cause I’m more than forty-eight hours,
More than the stories they told,
More than the “no” that shaped my start,
Growing into something bold.
I didn’t chase the future—
I let it come to my door.
I’m more than they imagined.
I’m more than forty-eight hours… and so much more.

Verse 3

Now I live a life that’s mine, supported but standing strong,
A home built from my courage, I’ve been proving them wrong.
And I found someone who loves me, someone I can call my own,
Even if the system’s rules make it hard to share a home.

Pre-Chorus

I’ve always been a square peg
In a world of circles drawn—
But I bend the world around me
Till I find a place I belong.

Chorus

’Cause I’m more than forty-eight hours,
More than the doubts they believed,
More than a puzzle piece that never
Fit where it should be.
I didn’t force the future—
I learned what waiting is for.
I’m more than they expected.
I’m more than forty-eight hours… and so much more.

Bridge

Some days feel like sunrise lighting up my skin,
Some days feel like footsteps where my future begins.
Love didn’t pass me over—no, it just took the long road home,
And now I know… I was never walking it alone.

Final Chorus

’Cause I’m more than forty-eight hours,
More than the limits they drew,
More than the world ever gave me—
I became my own breakthrough.
I didn’t rush the future—
I let my heart restore.
I’m more than they imagined.
I’m more than forty-eight hours…
And now I’m so much more.

Disability

AN UNEXPECTED LIFE: BECOMMING THE WOMEN I WAS NEVER EXPECTED TO BE

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

There are stories we are handed at birth, and then there are stories we write ourselves.
This is mine.

The First 48 Hours

As someone with a disability, my life began with doubt.
People told my parents I would never amount to anything.
Some said I might not make it past the first forty-eight hours.

Those words were meant to be limits.
But instead, they became fuel.

I didn’t just make it past those first hours—
I made it into days, into years, and into a life no one expected.
I learned early that survival wasn’t guaranteed,
but fighting for myself would always be part of my story.

Learning to Live, Not Just Survive

There were many moments when I didn’t think I would make it.
Times when the world felt heavy and lonely.
Seasons when I convinced myself that love, marriage, and partnership weren’t meant for people like me.

I told myself I didn’t want those things—
but deep down, I did.
I wanted the kind of life I saw everyone else living so easily.

Because of that longing, I began to rush life.
I tried to force things that weren’t ready.
I pushed myself forward without taking time to breathe or grow.
I didn’t give life a chance to meet me halfway.

But everything changed when I finally slowed down.
When I stopped chasing and allowed life to unfold naturally.
In that stillness, I stumbled into something unexpected—
something softer, steadier, and more beautiful than anything I had tried to force.

I stumbled into my life.

The Life I Never Expected

Today, I live the kind of life I once believed was impossible.

I have my own home—
not alone, but independently supported by family, friends, and a few amazing PCAs who help with my day-to-day needs.
I built a life that works for who I am and what I need.

And then, the most unexpected part of all:
I found my person.

Someone I can call mine.
Someone who loves me as I am,
who understands my challenges without me needing to explain,
who doesn’t see my disability as a barrier to love.

We dream of living together.
We dream of marriage.
We dream of a shared life.

But government assistance makes those dreams harder for people like us.
Love comes easily—
the system does not.

Still, like everything else in my life, I adapt.
I adjust.
I figure things out.

Because I’ve always been a square peg in a round hole.
And when something doesn’t work for me,
I make it work.

It’s how I survived.
It’s how I grew.
It’s how I became the woman I am today.

What My Life Feels Like Now

Some days feel like sunrise—
a soft, warm light touching places I once believed were out of reach.

Some days feel like walking a new path,
one that no one else has walked,
leaving footprints that whisper,
“Yes. A life like this is possible.”

And some days feel like holding the hand of someone who chose me,
realizing love didn’t skip over my life—
it simply took its time.

Becoming More Than Expected

I wasn’t supposed to make it past 48 hours.
Yet here I am—
living, loving, growing, building a life of my own.

I made something of myself.
Not because the world made space for me,
but because I created my own space when none existed.

The life I once feared I would never have
found me in the quiet moments,
in the slow breaths,
in the unexpected turns.

I didn’t just survive.
I became, and I won

Disability

LEARING NOT TO FEAR MYSELF

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Reflective, intimate, emotional, detailed

Fear has always been a quiet companion in my life. Some people meet fear like an opponent they can outrun. Others meet it like a wall that keeps them from taking another step. I’ve been both of those people. Living with cerebral palsy meant learning early that my life would come with challenges—and that each challenge would come with its own brand of fear.

I used to believe fear was something that happened to me. But looking back, I see that fear was also something I held tightly. It was familiar. Predictable. It felt safer to fear the unknown than to walk toward it.

The biggest fear I carried was one no one talked about. I was afraid of people who looked like me—people with cerebral palsy. I convinced myself that being around others with CP would somehow make mine worse. I didn’t realize that what I feared was seeing myself clearly.

That fear cost me years of connection, friendship, and belonging.

And then there were the school years—where my fear of not fitting in pushed me forward. I wanted so badly to be one of them, the “normal kids.” I tried to outrun my own body, my limitations, and the feeling that I was somehow on the outside looking in. But the truth is, the only person who feared me… was me.

It took time—years, really—to stop fearing my own reflection. To stop fearing the community that was always waiting for me with open arms. When I finally let myself be curious instead of afraid, I discovered something beautiful: I wasn’t alone. I had never been alone.

Now, I can look at fear with clearer eyes. It still shows up—it probably always will—but I no longer hand it the steering wheel. I know now that the fears we run from are often the ones we need to turn toward. Because on the other side of that fear is a part of ourselves waiting to be reclaimed.

Disability

SPEEKING TO MYSELF WITH KINDNESS

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

The way I would speak to myself with kindness will tell myself that I’m who I am. I have my mind, I can make my own choice, and I can live independently. I may have cerebral palsy, it may limit me at times, but it’s not who I am. My disability is only a disability; it’s a part of me just like my curly hair. Yes, I will never use my disability as an excuse for who I am. I have chosen to speak to those parts of myself with kindness, as much as I have spoken negatively in the past.

It has been and still is a challenge to speak to myself with kindness. Having a disability can be seen as a weakness. At this time in my life, I view it as a strength, but it wasn’t always this way. I grew to see that my disability was my strength. Until I learned to accept who I was, talking to myself with kindness was the one thing I hated doing the most. 

The negative talk from people paralyzes my sense of self. It wasn’t until I was so unhappy with who I was that I had an awakening of how if I kept these negative thoughts and talked myself into such a negative way, it stopped me from living. So, how did I change my thoughts to be kinder to myself?  

It took decades to destroy myself with negative talk, so why did I think it would take me a snap of a finger to switch my thoughts to positive ones?  It has taken me years to start changing my thoughts to a more positive outlook, so I can treat myself with the kindness I deserve. I only saw the weakest because of what people were filling my head with. I understand that other people were also telling us positive things, but we all know it can be hard to accept both the positive and the negative. Unfortunately, if you had to pick one over the other to stay in your mind, most likely it would be the negative things that people tell you that stay with you.

When those negative comments from people get into your mind, it can be easy to force yourself. All these negative thoughts detract from who you are and who you aspire to be. It can break how you speak to yourself. It also makes you believe you’re worthless. That is how I felt about myself.  

And how to treat myself with kindness and gratitude for who I am. “Romo wasn’t built in a day.” It took me years to destroy myself; why would it take me one day to rebuild? It took me years to rebuild myself, and still today, I  don’t think I’m 100%. 

I have to face my reflection every day. I have to remind myself every day that I am strong enough to face life.  When living with a disability, there are days I just want to let the disability take over. There are days when I know that it’s going to get more challenging as I get older, and I don’t want to be the teacher the rest of my life. However, I want to live life to the fullest, and if that means practicing kindness with myself every day, then so be it.

Disability

HOW PEOPLE SEE ME…BUT WHO I TRULY AM

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

What I am not is the first thing you see.

What I am not is the six legs I used to walk around.

What I am not is the handlebars I hold onto.

What I am not is what you see when I walk into a room.

What I am not is the way you see me on the outside.

What I am is a person who is just like you.

What I am is someone with self-worth.

What I am is someone with intelligence.

What I am is someone with dreams.

What I am is someone with hopes.

What I am not like another person with a disability that you know

What I am not is the label that I was born with

What I am not is your inspiration

What I am not the only person in the room with a walker.

What I am not is taking up space in life.

What I am not is letting my disability stop me.

What I am not is letting my disability affect how I live life.

What I am not is allowing myself to give up on myself.

What I am not is letting my challenges get in my way.

What I am not is letting my fears get in the way.

What I am is a creative person.

What I am is someone who gives love.

What I am is someone who receives love.

What I am is someone who loves life.

What I am is what you see, what you see in me. That is what is called judging what you are visiting with your eyes. When you judge with your eyes, you miss out on life because life is much more than what you see on the outside. When you remove the walker and the disability, all that is a person, just like you.

Disability

BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES (THE SONG)

OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES

Beautiful challenges were the one thing she couldn’t see in herself.

The more formidable the challenge was, the more beautiful she became.

The kind of beautiful she was was easy for everyone but her to see.

It took time for her to see the beauty in her challenges.

The beauty of her challenges was that she defeated them with so much grace.

She lived with many challenges.

To her, her challenges were hers and hers alone

She even saw her challenges in her reflection.

Her imperfect reflection of her is that she would never be strong enough for this life.  

She doesn’t remember a day when she didn’t have those challenges. It took time for her to see her challenges as beautiful.

Beautiful challenges were the one thing she couldn’t see in herself.

The more formidable the challenge was, the more beautiful she became.

The kind of beautiful she was was easy for everyone but her to see.

It took time for her to see the beauty in her challenges.

The beauty of her challenges was that she defeated them with so much grace.

Her challenges made her who she is.

She thinks her challenges held her back.

What she didn’t realize was that her challenges were beautiful.

The more challenges she overcame, the more she conquered life.

Conquering her challenges was the most beautiful she could be in life.

Beautiful challenges were the one thing she couldn’t see in herself.

The more formidable the challenge was, the more beautiful she became.

The kind of beautiful she was was easy for everyone but her to see.

It took time for her to see the beauty in her challenges.

The beauty of her challenges was that she defeated them with so much grace.

The beauty in her challenges was in the way she walked, talked, and looked at life.

Life may have been a challenge, but she never gave it a second thought.

All she wanted was to be a part of life, but getting where she wanted to go was challenging. 

She wanted to go as far as she could, but her body would sometimes only let her go so far.

The further her body would let her go, the less she saw her challenges. 

Beautiful challenges were the one thing she couldn’t see in herself.

The more formidable the challenge was, the more beautiful she became.

The kind of beautiful she was was easy for everyone but her to see.

It took time for her to see the beauty in her challenges.

The beauty of her challenges was that she defeated them with so much grace.

The challenge for her was to realize the challenge was not to add more to the challenges she already had.

The beauty of her challenge was that she had days when her challenges wanted so badly to win out, but she wouldn’t let them.

When she overcame her challenges, she proved to others and herself that she had overcome them.

Overcoming her challenges was the one thing she forced because it empowered her to become who she wanted to be.

Empowering herself was the goal to kick her challenges in the ass.

Beautiful challenges were the one thing she couldn’t see in herself.

The more formidable the challenge was, the more beautiful she became.

The kind of beautiful she was was easy for everyone but her to see.

It took time for her to see the beauty in her challenges.

The beauty of her challenges was that she defeated them with so much grace.