I have been working on my weight and mental health for the last few weeks. I have also been going to a nutritionist for the previous few months, and it has been going well. But, I can do a lot better. When you have cerebral palsy or anything else that impairs your mobility, the less you weigh the better your mobility becomes. I have been battling my weight for what seems to be my whole life. I’m now at the point where if I don’t do anything about it, I’m going to lose my mobility, which means that I will lose my independence. When you have mobility impairments, your hopes and dreams revolve around becoming independent, no matter how that looks for you.
For many people, independence means living alone, with or without PCAs or aids. For others, independence means getting to live their own life while sharing a home with family members. However it looks, having as much mobility as possible can enhance how much you’re able to do.
I have always been independent, and my family and friends have always encouraged me to do things for myself when I can. Four years ago, that independence became the ultimate freedom when I moved out of my family house and I started living independently in my own place. Living independently has always been my ultimate goal. Now, to keep my independence, I need to be in shape physically and mentally.
My independence looks like having PCAs five days a week to clean and help maintain the apartment. I have a medical alert bracelet and use accessibility programs like Siri and a video doorbell to help me along the way. I also have an accessible shower that’s adapted to my needs. I take public transportation when I need to get out, and make the most out of accessible vehicles that can accommodate me.
Moving out during the pandemic lined up with new ways to be independent even with limited mobility. We saw a surge in programs like DoorDash and curbside pickup. People also began to socialize via video chats, bringing the world to us.
For the first year and a half to two years, I was shut in because of COVID-19. This was one of the best times of my life. When I say it was the best time of my life, I don’t mean because the world was in crisis. I just mean that the world became more available to us at the touch of a keyboard.
Now that Covid isn’t on the news all the time, people talk about positive changes that came from it, including the accessibility of food delivery and pickup options, as well as maintaining video chat with loved ones and friends. I’m a silver linings person, so I agree.
But like with all good things, there are risks. With all the easy access to food, it’s easier to get nutritious food, but it’s also easy to get the junk food I’m craving with a few swipes on my phone. However, I was doing well for the first two years, and now I need to get back on track in the new year. I was able to lose forty-fifty pounds at the start of the pandemic. Now, I’ve put that back on with interest.
I don’t want to give up my independence in favor of yummy snacks like donuts and chips and popcorn chicken. I’m also dealing with the fact that I’m more social now that the pandemic is over, and when I get home, I’m too tired to meal prep, so I grab what’s quick and usually deep fried.
I need to balance my independence with healthy eating and make meal prep a priority. My independence is who I am. I’m at the point where I’m the only one who can help myself with eating the right things. I am trying, but I know I can do better. I have lost close to ten pounds in the last month. I have also been going to a nutritionist. I like going to her even though I usually don’t like visiting a nutritionist. This nutrition is just there to listen and make goals with me, and that’s what I want because she is not forcing anything on me.
I need to force myself to eat better. I know I can sometimes get lazy and don’t want to make the effort, but I need to do it so I don’t lose my independence. That is the one thing in my life that I worked so hard to gain and that I don’t want to lose. In my life, I have worked so hard to overcome so many things, but for some reason, losing weight is probably the hardest thing I have to overcome. I have overcome weight before. To lose weight, I needed to work through this block in myself that says that I can’t do this.
I know what will happen to me if I don’t lose weight, but I also know what will happen to me if I do lose the weight and know what happens if I keep gaining weight. If I keep gaining weight, I will lose my independence. I will have to rely on more people for help; I will be in a wheelchair or worse. If I do lose weight, I will gain more independence. I won’t have to rely on others that much to help me.
Everytime I lose weight I get obsessed with number on the scale. At this point in my life, it’s not the number I should be obsess over. It’s about mobility and range of movement.
OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES 