A few years ago, when I was in a dark place and trying to figure out who I was as a person with a disability, the “Me Too” movement suddenly came out. People say, “If you are a woman, you should get behind this movement. I feel I didn’t fit into this new way of life for women. Being a woman is only one part of me. After seeing how “Me Too” changed how women are looked at, I got thinking. I may be a woman, but if I identify as just a woman, I’m just a woman. As much as I need to say I’m a woman. Being a woman is only part of me.
Having a disability is a part of me, also. When an individual has a disability, we don’t want to be known as a disability. Still, in a way, we have to let people know we have a disability so we can get the modification we need so we be apart can be a part of life. I will never deny my cerebral palsy.
Being a woman with cerebral palsy is one of the significant components of my identity. However, there are many other components of me. I like to picture myself on a painting canvas. Years ago, when I was trying to get out of a dark place in life, I stood in front of a full-length mirror for a few minutes a day for a week or so; at this time in my life, I honestly didn’t like who I was. So, being the person I am, I got in my head that if I stood in front of the mirror and saw the physical reflection and stood there long enough, I might be able to see what people saw in me. After a while, it worked, and I could see everything that made me.
What I saw in that mirror wasn’t just a woman and wasn’t just cerebral palsy; it was so much more. What I saw was what people saw in me, what made me: My kindness, my compassion for others. The strength within me is to work past my challenges and so many other things. At that moment, I started to see what I thought was my weakness was my strength.
When I have a disability, there are times that I can feel that all I see is the disability, as I think that is the only thing people see in me. In many cases, that’s not the case; there can be a handful of people who will only see me as having a disability, but then I see that there are more people who know that I’m more than my disability. It’s just that sometimes, the negativity wins out more than the positive. It’s just that when I hear something negative about myself, it gets in me, and that’s all I hear. When I keep hearing all the negative ideas about my disability, it gets to me, and I end up in a dark place.
After I saw who I was in the mirror, I saw what people saw me. People see how strong I am and so much more than my disability and being a woman; that is why I call myself a human canvas. Other than being a woman with a disability. I’m also a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a friend, a girlfriend, a writer, and more.
No matter how I identify myself or how others identify me, there is one thing we all have in common: no matter what, we recognize that when we all bleed, we all bleed red.
OUR BEAUTIFUL CHALLENGES 