The Life I Thought I’d Have vs. The Life I Built

Part 1: The White Dress I May Never Wear

Category: Love, Relationships & Life Choices
Our Beautiful Challenges
By Marie W.O.W.C.P.

There are certain dreams many women grow up holding in their hearts.

For some, it is the dream of the white dress.

The wedding day.

The moment of walking down the aisle toward a future they have imagined for years.

For a long time, I thought about that too.

Not always in a loud way, but in the quiet corners of my mind.

The idea of love.

The idea of partnership.

The idea of building a life with someone.

But living with cerebral palsy has often meant that life asks me to look at dreams differently.

One of the hardest realities I have had to face is that sometimes love and practicality do not always fit together in the way people expect.

There are things many people never have to think about when it comes to marriage.

For me, one of those things has always been the reality of government benefits and the support I need to live independently.

There have been moments when I have had to ask myself painful questions.

If I got married, what would that mean for the help I receive?

Would I lose support that allows me to live the life I have worked so hard to build?

Would love cost me the independence I fought for?

These are not romantic questions.

These are heavy questions.

And yet, they are real.

Sometimes disability forces us to make choices that other people never even realize exist.

There were times when it felt as if I had to choose between the white dress and the life support systems that help me survive.

That is not a choice most people ever imagine having to make.

And there is grief in that.

Grief for the dream.

Grief for the version of life that may never happen the way I once pictured it.

But there is also truth.

Love is not measured by a dress.

It is not measured by a ceremony.

And it is not measured by what life looks like from the outside.

Sometimes love is found in the life we build in ways no one else sees.

This post is part of my “Wedding Dress Series” — a reflection on love, identity, and learning to accept a life that may not look the way I once imagined.

More pieces coming soon.

Seeing the beauty between the challenges.
— Marie W.O.W.C.P.